:: 13 May 2007 ::
:: 12:23 PM ::
♥ Hate that I love you ♥
hmmmm, actually i wanted write this post in chinese geh. but then my computer that chinese language got problem. suan liao lahx. my computer had reformated. many thing had gone. aikz.
i failed the test. pmo test. hahahahahaha. second time. i didnt pass for the xin sheng and chu ji he zhou sheng. hahahaahahahaha. i knew it. i knew it. im useless. i cannot be callled music pro. i isnt PRO at all. im useless. even my little juniors also geng than me. i cannot be saved anymore. i cannot blame anyone, except me. i didnt work hard for it. everything is just my fault. who knows that actually i am sad? my pretend skills are too good. hahahahaha. everything has been proved. im just 'lan yu chong shu' in pmo. WO SHI DUO YU DE. the only sentence i can tell myself. thats why at the first i wanna quit. they dont really need me. why they dont let me to quit? i hope they can give me a pecat surat to me. and im free from this problem. i admit. i dont really practice hard. im useless in everything i do. no matter how hard i try, i will never get good result. is God treat me fair? i treasure everything that i have now. i swear i got! i treat my mama good, because she's the only person i can treasure now. i treat lyn good, because she's one of my ji mui. i treat everyone nice and i always tell myself try to not hate other people. i tried hard already and i am tired now. i never get back what i had given out. i always help my friend when they are in problem. but when the person had problem is me, i feel like no one is around me. i dont know which person i should talk to. example, lyn, how can i spoil her mood while she is happy with her result? i had found the wrong person. avis, my kor, failed to make me smile. see......
yesterday, after i knew i failed it. i stopped myself from crying. i tahan and tahan. and i pretend nothing happen. im just too geng. no one realise it. i sat at the corridor there. outside of pmo there. did my homework. most of the time i was dreaming. after that, i went into hua yue shi there because there is cooler. i thought of i will not sad after i woke up from sleeping. everything is just not going on my way. i dont even get back my result paper. i dont feel wanna talk anymore. i couldnt feel the peace. what will i feel when i stepped into pmo there again? is too hard for me to continue my road. i wish i can keep on running and dont care what is beside me. who can understand my sadness? no one... i dont want to care anyone anymore. i am tired of it.
now only i realised actually the most useless person in this world is me.
p.s. : i wish i never study in chs. i shouldnt.
